The loss of a loved one is one of the hardest things we often face on this journey of life. Sometimes you see the death of a loved one coming, and sometimes it happens unexpectedly, leaving you devastated and not knowing how to process the various emotions you are faced with. People often grieve at different stages; the most common grieving process is denial, anger, bargaining, depression, and acceptance.

I remember when my grandfather died my emotions felt like a rollercoaster, one minute I was crying and the next I was laughing with my family members remembering what he was like as a person, and the next moment I was overwhelmed with sadness at the thought of never seeing him again and that won’t be part future going forward. All these emotions feel like you are on a rollercoaster of grief and not knowing how to act. During the grieving process, I realized that you never fully heal, you get better, but the fact that you lost someone you love will always stay with you.  Different people deal with grief differently.

Here are some things to keep in mind to help you cope with the loss:

1. It’s okay to take time off to heal

Losing a loved one can take an emotional and physical toll, leaving you feeling drained and unable to concentrate on everyday life as you did before the loss. That’s why it’s important to reevaluate your life and slow down with your daily expectations for your life activities. If you are working, think about reducing your working hours for a while and also decide to prioritize self-care for yourself.

Be gentle with how to treat yourself and try not to judge yourself or feel guilty about taking time off to heal. Give yourself a break as you navigate the loss of your loved one.

2. You’re not alone, It’s okay to lean on others

We often isolate ourselves when we experience grief, and while alone time is sometimes good for the healing process, it’s not necessarily the only option if you’re feeling lonely and overwhelmed. Don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to accept help, whether from a therapist or people close to you. People will offer help in different ways; Some people will bring you food while others just spend time with you in silence, and being around these people can help you not think too much or feel lonely, thus supporting you in your grief.

When faced with grief, we sometimes forget that not everyone will be able to comfort us the way we want. Death can be an uncomfortable period where some people may not know what to say to you or do, however, that doesn’t mean they not supporting you in their one way or that you shouldn’t try to get their support.

3. Talk About How You Feel

Not everyone is good at expressing themselves. I find it difficult to be open about how I feel, but I have learned that sometimes it’s important to express yourself in order to heal. It helps to talk about your loved one, for example, what you miss about them, what you don’t miss, what kind of person they were, your loss of shared hopes and dreams for the future, your loneliness, anger, and sadness.

Grief won’t be the same for everyone, but healing won’t happen if you keep all your feelings to yourself. If you can’t talk to anyone or get a therapist, you can express your feelings by writing a letter to your loved one or journaling about your feelings. What’s important is that you allow yourself to feel whatever you’re feeling and just know that there is no “right” or wrong way to grieve.

4. Honour the memory of your loved one

Important events such as anniversaries, birthdays, or holidays will remind you of your loved ones. During these times, you will experience different emotions. So don’t feel surprised if your feelings intensify rather use this time as an opportunity to celebrate your past connection and memories with your loved one. 

To remember them you may want to have a ceremony or visit their grave site. You also might want to meet with friends and family and celebrate and talk about your loved one. Whatever you feel like you need to do that day, do it.

5. It won’t feel like this forever

When you lose a loved one, you often feel like the pain and sadness you are going through will last forever. The sadness you feel when you realize you will never see your loved one again makes it seem like your future will be bleak and you will never recover. When I was grieving, one thing I realized is even if you will never fully get over the pain of losing a loved one, you can still move on with your life and be happy again.

Take time and be patient with yourself during the grieving process. After taking time out for yourself, it’s important to continue your normal activities while processing your grief. Make sure you don’t suppress your emotions and feelings, grieve but also continue with life and I assure you that with time you will get better.

Even if your loved one is no longer in this world, you can hold on to their memory. Celebrate that they were once in your life and appreciate the life you had together and the life you will still have in this world in which they lived.

I leave you with these words: Someone once loved you and though they are no longer in this world, their love be with you till you are no longer in this world.